so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
