Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
