I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
