yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
