You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
