I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
