so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What a dumb baby whore.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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