Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
