you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
