if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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