break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
