hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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