are you so shy because you have an std?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
