we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
