I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
