WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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