You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
