I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
