i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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