Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
