i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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