i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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