I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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