accomplished twins. life is a go
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
