I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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