it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
