So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
no, he came in my armpit
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
