Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
