You were right. It hurts to walk today.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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