I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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