Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
