There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
