is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
