My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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