You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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