I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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