His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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