I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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