Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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