I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
