I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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