Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
