She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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