Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
