Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
