You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She needs sedatives and a leash
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
