Hey man sorry I got all grabby
from now on my penis is your penis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
