oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
