her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
