somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
