so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
