she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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