Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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