I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
