I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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