you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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