I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Semen is not good for contacts.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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