I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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