Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
