STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
