I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
