i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
