I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
