wrigley field is MILF paradise
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
