I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
