If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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