she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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