its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry my hands just texted you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
