I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
