I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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