I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
