We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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